AS THE Ashes buildup reaches a frenzy, Get Sporty couldn’t help but get swept up in the craze. But with both England and Australia looking equally likely contenders for the Urn in a long time and some controversy about Cricket Australia projecting a taunting ad on the Big Ben of all places (The ad simply said – “Don’t forget to pack the urn”) we decided to shift the focus away to the more serious part of previewing the Ashes – checking out who are parts of the squads and toying around with their names to come up with our own bizarre predictions. Now, that’s a foolproof way of building up the hype around the series because you just cannot go wrong. So, here they are – the cricketers with potential to kick some serious ash(es) in the upcoming series!
MITCHELL STARC: Owner of Starc Industries currently converting himself into Iron Man to break into the Australian team
XJ DOHERTY: Aussie spinner who is the token X factor in the Aussie side
MICHAEL CLERK: Aussie cricketer who lately gets noticed only when he screws up
MICHAEL HUSTLER: Middle order Aussie batsman who will be hustling for runs and some form during the Ashes
NATHAN HARRIED: Aussie spinner who’s been driven nuts trying to find out how he can more, ahem, potent
ANDREW STRESS: Captain who has to bear the burden of sky high expectations
JONATHAN TROT: English batsmen so named because of his speed while running between the wickets
GYM-ME ANDERSON: English fast bowler who loves to work out
MONTY PYTHONESAR: English spinner who wishes to star in another edition of ‘Monty Pythonesar and the quest for the Holy Grail (read The Ashes urn)’
PAUL (COLLING)WOOD: Batsmen on whom England will keep knocking with hopes of keeping their run of good form and Australia’s run of poor form going
STEVE FIN: Tall (well, almost 7 feet actually!) fast bowler intended to be used as decoy shark fin to scare the Aussies when they are out on the beach
GREAME SWAN: Offspinner looking for a song that helps him leave on a high
MATT PRIOR: Wicketkeeper for the English who can become his second name if he continues to drop catches and England decide to select Steve Davies instead
IAN BELL: English top order batsman. Liberty or Alarm? You choose.