The name's Green, Robert Green...and I have the License To Spill!

What’s in a name, asked Shakespeare. A whole World Cup team, that’s what!

SO, YOU have noticed the vuvuzuela other than of course Kaka, Cristiano Ronaldo, Lionel Messi at the World Cup in South Africa. Good on you. While people, players and pundits have all been speculating as to the unpredictable nature of the Jabulani ball, the lack of goals, the mixture of playing styles (there has been a strange hybrid euro-latin game on display this World Cup), discussions inevitably have veered towards drawing up the list of a ‘dream team’ of the best players on display in the tournament so far.

Because that is a subjective exercise and open to a lot of debate, I have excused myself from it. What I present intead is my ‘dream team’ full of big names; well, the most interesting names anyway. We are playing the 4-2-4 formation. I mean come on, with the world cup looking like it has had all its goals held hostage by Somali pirates, we needed an attacking midset. It was easy and fun to pick and I had a good chuckle thinking the task the commentator will have at hand calling the games for this team. So, move over dream team, here’s Get Sporty’s FIFA World Cup 2010 Name Team!


Robert GREEN (England) – Everyone must have been going green with envy given the amount of publicity this West Ham United and England keeper has been getting. Sub Editors can have tons of fun given that he has, among other things, been the first English goalkeeper to be sent off in an international game and also climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro. Oh, and did I mention some great goalkeeping against the USA?


Antolin ALCARAZ (Paraguay) – Well, John Dykes on ESPN started it when he said that there’s No Escape from Alacaraz for Italy who conceded a headed goal from the central midfielder. I think having your name sound suspiciously close to a prison can only be a good omen for a defender.

Danny SHITTU (Nigeria) – Well, let’s just say Danny plays way better than his last name would have you believe. And I’d like to see the commentary on national television when Danny makes a shitty…er…poor pass.

Jay DEMERIT (USA) – With a name like that, you’d be a fool to commit any mistakes or be off your best game. Headline writers are waiting with sharpened word play knives for that opportunity, Jay!

John MENSAH (Ghana) – You need some brains apart from brawns in your back four. Well, John is it then, what with his last name qualifying him for membership in the super intelligent club. Someone give him an IQ test, please.


Demy DE ZEEUW (Netherlands) – Oh Demy, how we wish your last name was a valid Scrabble word laid across a ‘Triple Word’ score!

Amado GUEVARA (Honduras) – He’s been described on the FIFA website player profile as “The talisman and captain of Honduras”. With that second name, he cannot settle for anything less than an inspirational leader and a talisman of our midfield as well.


Asamoah GYAN (Ghana) – Aha! A smattering of some Sanskrit here in the list never hurts. As someone who scored within five minutes of his international debut, Asamoah’s knowledge of scoring goals can never be brought into question!

NILMAR (Brazil) – Washing powder Nilmar? He’s got speed, fantastic dribbling and cracking finishes – the perfect combo for a striker. And just as a similar sounding detergent in India hounds out the last bit of dirt on clothes and delivers lightning whiteness, his goals also buzz the daylight out of defences.

Georgie WELCOME (Honduras) – A Welcome edition to our four forward hunting party. Enough said.

GRAFITE (Brazil) – Funky, is all I wanna say! He could have been racing cars in the Fast and The Furious with a name like that. I would be just happy if he were fast and furious on the pitch!


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